In Maine, far from the ham-handed clutches of New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, nurse Kaci Hickox is flaunting a government-ordered 21-day quarantine for exposure to Ebola. Bangor is also where, Mr. Ed—the star of that well-beloved sitcom from the 1960s, oldest living horse, and an equine whose pedigree can be traced back to the talking horses in Jonathan Swift’s “Gulliver’s Travels”—has come out of retirement to issue a press release about a far greater violation albeit of eohippian rights. Mr. Ed protests that the Obama Administration since day one has been enforcing a discriminatory regulation requiring a 60-day USDA quarantine on any and all horses imported from Africa. The Administration’s thinly-veiled speciest excuse: African Horse Sickness (AHS). Bear in mind that while Ebola can be transmitted by handshakes, AHS can’t. According to the obscure Center for Horse Disease Control in Wyoming, this is “settled science.” Mr. Ed also protests that, under both Democratic and Republican Administrations, it has long been illegal to transport horses (and cows) across state lines without a health certificate and sometimes also a blood test. Asked for comment, White House Press Secretary Josh Ernst, speaking straight from the horse’s posterior, said: “While it is true that it would be illegal to transport a horse across the Potomac from Maryland to Virginia, it is perfectly fine with the Administration for an undocumented Mexican to ride one across the Rio Grande.” Quoting an anonymous source, Ernst added that “any criticism of President Obama from the Equine Lobby is ‘chickenshit’.” No comment on the use of this slur from Chick-Fil-A.