Obama Through the Wormhole

Everyone who hasn’t should read President Obama’s interview with Tom Friedman of the “New York Times,” See http://www.nytimes.com/2014/08/09/opinion/president-obama-thomas-l-friedman-iraq-and-world-affairs.html

Here, I translate it to an alternative universe in which Israel is the superpower and the U.S. is a small ally under existential threat, and change accordingly who gives the uncensored answers:

Tommy Friedman of the “New Times of Israel”: What do you think about the future survival of the U.S.?

Netanyahu: The U.S. is a feisty little country. It will survive no matter what because of a strong military, despite rumors of a Canadian nuclear weapons threat that my Foreign Minister is negotiating tirelessly to make sure never materializes every minute he can find free time from his Red Sea vacation home. But I worry about the values upon which it was founded—which justify its survival. It may be losing these values. How sad.

Friedman: Why do you think this is happening?

Netanyahu: Because President Obama is too strong while the Mexican Liberation Front, under its pacific leader Antonio López de Santa Anna V, is too weak. Obama needs more pressure on him from—ahem, let us say, arrogant or complacent Americans—to make peace. Maybe the U.S. needs more–not–less–polarization at home to promote peace, like I have in Israel. Tom, please edit out or tone down my last comments. I don’t want to be called “anti-American” by the pro-American lobby in Tel Aviv. I know I can rely on you.